


this is us

by BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Adoption, Anorexia, Bullying, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Churches & Cathedrals, Depression, Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dogs, Foster Care, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Religion, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, controlling parents, i’ll tag as i go, wow i can’t believe i could fuck up a child’s mental state this bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch/pseuds/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch
Summary: he was two, when he was abandoned by the side of the road.they were five, when the evansons adopted them.they were twelve, when he discovered the other people in his head.they were thirteen, when their family finally found them again.and now, it’s just a matter of learning how to live.[i tag as i go, beware]
Relationships: Steven Universe & Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	this is us

infantile amnesia.

a very ordinary phenomenon, felt by most of the population around the world. something as normal as the sky being blue and the grass being green. something as average as we intake the oxygen from the plants around us in order to breathe.

a phenomenon in which the memory you hold of ages three or four and back trickle and vanish away as you grow older, the only remnants of that time told through stories of people older than you who were there during those primitive years.

with this in mind, it’s not startling that theo has no recollection of what it was like to live in a normal, biological family. the only tie he holds in his fists is an overly-intelligent goldendoodle. still, while the dog holds observant abilities far beyond what should be expected of a dog never trained for such talents, it cannot speak. it cannot reiterate the tales of before to the young boy it trails loyally. theo does not hold this fact against the dog, of course, but he still wonders.

before he was with his taled forever family, when he lay a child too young in a foster system too big, with nothing but an ever growing dog by his side, he’d asked. he’d tugged down his caretaker, curious with fluttering eyelashes.

she hadn’t smiled at him, but she had told him the tale anyways.

“a nice lady found you by the side of a corner store at 10pm, abandoned. there was no sign of your parents anywhere, but you were with a dog. the dog had no collar, but was instead tied to the pole behind you by rope. you too were inseparable in the most annoying of ways, so we didn’t separate you. the lady there called the cops, and they took the both of you away. now, you’re here. i’m sorry, darling, but there’s no information on who your parents could’ve been.”

he’d been four years old. he hadn’t understood why they were left there. he’d cried at night, for he couldn’t tell why someone would abandon him like an old used toy.

is that what he was? a toy, broken and old. did they leave goldie with him out of sympathy as well? or did they hate the dog too? did they plan on returning for them, or did everything play out as they wanted? or maybe it failed. maybe instead of being fostered, they wished for him to wither away, dying breaths stuttering as a two year old choked upon the notion of a concept he didn’t understand.

he pictured two people with curly dark hair, brown eyed with that roll of weight that lyra at the home said made him hideous. did they love him at all, or did they view him the same as all the others? did they walk into the car forlorn and tired, or were they laughing, grinning, ecstatic to have finally gotten rid of them?

he was four when he began to question if he was really worth it at all, and he was four when the gaps started.

just like infantile amnesia, except he was aware. he was, for the most part, past the age, and yet days fell into void chasms, moments and history of his life melted into sand before he could even realize what it was beforehand.

at least goldie was there. her tail wagged when he showed up, when he woke up in a place he didn’t recognize she was there, excited to see him. he celebrated his fifth birthday on a day he doesn’t recall, the feeling of the cake on his lips and half-hearted cheers of his peers lost like the parents he still gets curious about sometimes.

he’s most angry about the cake, if he’s honest, but lyra says he doesn’t need the extra pounds, so he tries not to be too sad about it.

lyra says a lot of things about how he looks. she’s older than him, so she must be right, right? people like her for the most part, and nobody steps in to correct her. he’d had hope that maybe she was wrong, that he wasn’t as ugly as she’d said he was, but on the media and everywhere else people with his physique were demeaned for it. he never looked on and saw himself as a main character, or even a supporting. when he lifted his eyes, people like him were treated most usually as perverts, people who existed only to bother the leading thin female like lyra.

he wonders that maybe if he looks more like lyra, people will like him better. he concludes that since lyra says that the food equates to weight, he’ll simply not eat.

theo is five years old, with gaps in his memory of moments that happened mere seconds before apparently, with holes in his heart that live with confusion and fear, and he pushes away the plates of food he’s meant to eat. he avoids every meal, making an excuse every time. his caretakers don’t care, they never have. neither do the people at the home.

lyra grins a smile full of fangs at his work, even while when he runs his fingers through his hair the locks fumble out, and at the slightest brush his skin paints black and blue. when he rises to his feet, his head spins, and the cold bites at him less like a small nip and more like the maw of a bear.

he hurts, he _hurts_ , he _hurts_.

still, something eats. he knows this because when he wakes up in strange places he tastes food on his tongue, and he hates it. he hates the taste on his tongue, because it feels like failure. the thought and texture make him want to cry, to openly sob out and clutch at his hair as if it’ll stay in when he yanks his fists out.

he feels weak and tired, and some days he spends the whole thing curled in his cot, goldie resting next to him, worried as a dog can be. at least, he hopes she’s worried. does she care about him, or is he just the ugly kid who takes care of her. does she wag her tail because he’s there, or because he’s the one who struggles to walk her everyday?

yet, when he cries at night because sleep evades him, she never fails to pad up and nudge him, whining as she tries to get him to stop being sad.

theo is five years old and dying, when they adopt him.

it doesn’t start out bad. they accept his dog and the gem embedded in his stomach, unable to be removed. they’re a welsh family, which theo thinks is cool because on their flag they have a dragon. he thinks dragons are cool. he’s far from their only child, though, and around him run seven older siblings. they pride themselves on tradition, though, and pretty soon begin teaching him their native tongue.

he’s a bit slow at it, but he learns. they’re only in this side of america for a short amount of time, but they plan to take him back to wales with them when they go. they’re more religious than he’s ever seen before, with crosses around their necks and prayers before every meal and before they go to sleep. they hold his small hand as they guide him into his first church, and it’s not so bad. he finds the fact that they call the elderly man who talks a lot father but he doesn’t speak up about it. he doesn’t speak out about anything.

they make goldie stay outside, though, curled up and leashed by the pole outside.

“we’re coming back for her, right?” he lifts his head up, worried.

the mother of the family, a woman with sharp bright emerald eyes, yet they aren’t friendly, her black hair falling down her shoulders and rests at her elbows, shiny and pretty, turns to him and assures to him that they will. he trusts her word, though goldie whines and cries the whole time she’s stuck outside.

the mother is named anna, he’s found, though she urges for him to call her mom. her husband, on the other hand, is named derwyn. he has short curly brown hair, much like theo’s, though it’s lighter and cut at the ears instead of at the chin. he has kind brown eyes, and likes holding hands with his wife.

anna seems less for public displays of affection, though she doesn’t comment when they happen. she enjoys wearing jewelry and puts her children, including theo, in these tight suits that theo hates because they show off every part of his body that he despises. even when he started crying at the sight of it, she still persisted that he wear it. he begged her, but she raised her voice and grabbed him by the wrist, stomping off as she dragged him towards the car.

he’d been so frightened, heart hammering like a rabbit staring into the eyes of a hungry wolf, ears pinned back as saliva foams around it’s killing teeth, the eyes staring back into its own an inferno of hungry rage. he could feel nothing except for the feeling of that rabbit, the powerlessness of knowing there was not an escape for you, that in no way could he bat off the ferocious beast standing over him.

the kids beside him seemed used to this, shying away in silence as they obeyed the will of their furious mother. later on, derwyn dragged him aside, lecturing him on the subject.

“you obey your parents in this house” he’d said, “do not make a fuss about what we do. our word is law and you _must_ understand that. _is that clear?_ ”

he’d nodded, because the man was gripping his shoulders, staring deep into his eyes, and he was five years old, alone, and scared.

once he’d agreed, they were kind again. anna brushed his hands with kindness and asks him if he’s doing alright when she notices him being quieter than usual. he nods and assures her that he’s good, because he fears reawakening the wolf that bore its maw at his soft throat. she ruffles his hair and frowns in disgust when some rolls off on her palm. he shies away, hunching his shoulders over, trying to seem invisible.

she doesn’t talk to him again during the service.

his siblings talk to him in moments. he wouldn’t describe them as friends, but they can coexist. the eldest in the biological family is fourteen, and the youngest is six.

their names, in orders of eldest to youngest, are delyth, juno, glyn, julianna, ninian, meredith, and siani.

delyth looks a lot like lyra used to, except older. she’s got an hourglass body, carrying her weight all in her chest and hips. her eyes are the same as her mother’s, but her long hair curls the way her fathers does, with a slightly darker brown. she adores to showcase her high cheekbones and plush lips with makeup, and walks like she’s dancing her way through life. she’s far from kind, just as lyra was, but she’s the eldest and she’s pretty, so she’s loved by all.

juno seems like she’s trying to be just like her sister, with that sharp and rude tongue, though she’s farther from her. she’s less horrible, and holds more an average physique. her hair is black and her eyes are brown. she tries her best at being just like her sister, but when theo stopped crying she slid him a candy. he didn’t eat it, but he appreciated the gesture.

glyn is bouncy, and when he’s less afraid of their parents or if they aren’t around he tends to become loud. he isn’t the brightest, constantly doing things just for the sake of doing them. he gets dragged outside a lot, and mom screams at him pretty much weekly. he does a lot of things on foolish whim, like the time he decided to sketch over the white paint of their home walls when they went back to wales. he tells theo he prefers having his hair long like his sisters, but their parents always cut it, which upsets him. he runs around the house a lot, restless as ever. he has a lot of bruises on his body, though the reasons are disturbingly different than theo’s. the adopted boy would know, he’s seen it happen.

julianna doesn’t talk to him much, though she shows naivety. everything she owns is locked with a padlock only her and their parents know the key to. she keeps tight lipped most of the time, though she doesn’t seem to understand concepts that are darker than your usual normal thought. she seems to be as if not more religious than their parents, and when what she believes in from santa claus being real to her belief on the afterlife, she grows aggressive and loud. she’s less threatening, though, because she’s only a few years older than theo, and holds no real power. she has curly dark hair, and brown eyes.

ninian is considerate to those around him, which is a nice shift, though he is easily envious. he’s lively, oftentimes bringing up the mood of the room, though he’s fast to aggression just as the rest of his siblings are. theo finds him nice to be around as long as he’s calm. he tends to grab things out of other kids hands, sneering at them with jealous rage. when he’s not angry, he’s the happiest person theo’s ever met. constantly bouncing, he never finds a downside to something unless he wants to. he carries his mother’s black hair, but enjoys ruffling the curls he inherits from his father. he has mostly brown eyes, though at the bottom of the left one a small part splits away into green.

meredith is devious, oftentimes cheating at quite literally everything. she’s kind when she wants to be, but lies fall fast off her tongue. she’s good at playing innocent, though no one believes her after she’s cried wolf so many times. she cares for the people around her, but it often gets overridden by her need to be better than everyone. she likes movies, and enjoys twirling her brown curls around her finger. she resembles her father the most.

siani is the last one, and he’s only six. like ninian, he’s made easily jealous of things. differently, though, he’s rather kind. he’s willing to jump in front of a moving car to save someone, but he can hold a grudge like theo’s never seen before. somebody could die slowly right in front of him, and as long as he held a grudge against them, he would never make a single move to save them. otherwise, he’s sweet and kind, willing to do anything for anyone that he likes. he has straight black hair like his mother, but carries sharp hazel eyes. theo has no clue if it’s even possible for him to have these hazel eyes, but he doesn’t question it too hard.

all in all, he doesn’t view it as too bad. sure, they aren’t the sweetest bunch, but he can deal with that. in wales where he lives with them they swim in gold and green, a grand house that looks more like a small castle than a house foretold to be his home.

he is far from free, but at five years old, black holes shot through his brain where memory should be, he begins his new stage of living.

he just hopes that this stage won’t be as horrible as the first.


End file.
